I want to be nameless like you
Lost in a wordless journal
Pages begging to be inked
Fold the corner, come back later

There’s a sledge hammer in the garage
Drag it by the wooden handle
Hold tight, use both hands
Squeeze, swing away

When the sunlight hits your face
Stare blindly into the beaming rays
Don’t shield your eyes
Carry on with the demolition

Or build something, make them wonder
About the burning need to blister hands
Do not recreate, forge new
Is your mind wide open?

Copyright © 2010 N.E. Tasker

body temps drop and jump.

Can’t find a happy medium in this wave of heat

that has suddenly taken hold of Southern California.

I step outside and the morning air is not cool and balmy,

but a sticky 80 degrees.

I can only imagine how hot it is going to be

in five hours when noon rolls around.

In my car, I can not crank the a/c high enough

as my skin surrenders beads of sweat to sticky surroundings.

We waited all winter for summer to step in

and now I wish it would cool down just a little.

The toasty drive to work is accompanied

by violent sunbeams streaming in through the windshield.

No one can focus on the road,

everyone is slamming on their breaks.

The only release is finally exiting the freeway

to enter a chilly parking garage.

The offices upstairs are being pumped full

of conditioned air, waiting for me to enter.

Copyright © 2010 N.E. Tasker

My bedroom upstairs will be calling my name as I climb the stairs.

Pink carpet will embrace my feet when I reach the end of the hallway.

Printed pink hearts and plaid wallpaper will close in around me.

I will flop on my bed and hear the creaks I have memorized over the years from sleeping and tossing and turning.

My arms will open and fall to the side.

My eyes will be blinded by the clang and clatter of cluttered walls and desks, bureaus and vanities, closets and shelves.

I’m free again

I got my motor running for a wild weekend

It’s finally Friday

I’m outa’ control

Forget the workin’ blues

And let the good times roll

So hard to find the words to make it all fit

To make it all sound just right

The terrain gets rockier

My feet start to slide and I just want to stop

I am halfway up the mountain

My limbs fall limp, arms dangle at my sides

I won’t turn around but I need to catch my breath

The tip of the mountain is covered in clouds

My head falls back and stagnant air fills my lungs

The smell of regret stings my brain

It’s a flight of fancy as my feet stab the ground

It starts out slow but then gains pace

The unattainable is fulfilled

I take a brief look at the top of this mountain

Limitless possibilities surround

Marking the end of this climb

Copyright © 2010 N.E. Tasker

Wall of fog to the left
No water in sight down below
Mountain cliffs to the right
No sky visible up above

Road stretches, winds and turns
Satellite radio drops in and out
Sun struggles to show its face
Air outside slowly warms

Break for a waterfall in Big Sur
Flowing into untouched beaches
Blue-green waves crashing below
As blue birds eat out of tourist hands

Driving through sun and clouds
Million dollar homes line cliffs and beaches
A spectacular view from every front porch
Carmel for lunch then boutique shopping

As we close in on the Bay area
Clouds subside, clearing the way
For the last two hours of this drive
Along the coast

Copyright © 2010 N.E. Tasker

I will hug her and smell her momma smell and let her arms wrap around my soul.

In late August as we exit the air conditioned indoors, I will no doubt be smacked in the face by the thickest of humid air.

My eyes will feast on the New Hampshire surroundings, taking in all the lush greenery as we drive towards Northwood.

I will delight in seeing my childhood home in the distance.

We will swiftly approach the outdoor cage enclosing a Black Lab and larger-than-life-horse-sized-Chesapeake Bay retriever.

Their tails will wag and their barks will bite the air.

Hopefully silence will fill the air as I exit the car and approach the pups while calling their names.

I have been looking forward to this weekend get-away for a few weeks and now that it is finally here, I can relax!

No cleaning the house.

No laundry.

No waking up early to take Cali pee.

We took this same trip five years ago. We are visiting a lot of our favorite spots that we saw then and creating some new traditions this year. Hopefully this trip can be repeated in the years to come with less time in between.

I am really looking forward to meeting her in person in August when I return to New Hampshire for a few days before my mom and I head to Europe. Our family is planning on taking a day to celebrate their engagement and we will no doubt become fast friends. And of course, she is planning a wedding for 2011 and I just love weddings!

Now that I am 28, she is 8 years old. Last time I saw her, it was a few years it took her a while to figure it out–that the Nicki from the wedding pictures was the Nicki why just flew in from California and now has super short hair. Brianna’s mom and my mom (and probably all my Aunts now that I think about it) have done a very good job of talking about me with her so that my memory stays alive. Now that she is a bit older, she remembers me better and has even talked to me on the phone a few times. I’m hoping for a big hug and a kiss when I see her in August–we’ll see!

Sophie used to pee herself she would be THAT excited to see me when I would come home to visit from college. I think even if she does not remember me, she will still be happy to get a belly rub from me, no matter who I am.

This picture was taken a few days before I moved to Los Angeles. I was saying my goodbyes to my Sophe-a-loaf.